Richards Reckons Untold. Life After Richards Reckons. Both of them sound like a hellish, horrible reality – but luckily, Richards Reckons is still being told, and we are all still living life DURING Richards Reckons, so it’s not true. Phew. Let’s reckon some movies and not contemplate that fun necropolis.
So then, first off, Dracula Untold. There is a plot here to be, er, told (rather contradicting its title but if it was left untold it would probably be a blank screen, and that’s no good for anybody, is it?), and here is that very plot that I can confirm is told; Vlad The Impaler (Hollywood’s newest Welshman Luke Evans) is a Transylvanian prince whose people faces the threat of Sultan Mehmed (Dominic Cooper) taking their young boys (including his son) to raise as soldiers for his army. Luckily, earlier that week, he encountered the demon Caligula (Charles ‘May I Take This’ Dance) at Brokentooth Mountain a week earlier, who he makes a deal with; become a vampire temporarily for three days with lots of basically superheroic powers (becoming an almost LITERAL Bat-Man) to defeat Mehmed with, but must resist drinking human blood in order to become human again.
I found out after this film that this is intended to be the first in a new shared universe (which are now order of the day again down in Hollywood land thanks to Marvel’s incredible success with the idea) of Universal Monsters; filling them with monsters such as the Mummy, the Wolf Man and Frankenstein; like an Addam’s Family style Avengers. In retrospect, it does sort of make sense; kicking it off with an origin story of one of the most recognisable of the heroes (Dracula acting a bit like Iron Man here in that respect, but literally no other ones), and having one of the most sequel baiting endings I have ever seen; which, by the way, ends in a way that doesn’t wholly make sense and with a line that seems like it was only put in because the screenwriters thought “oh, that would sound like SO cool”.
The fact of the matter here is that the story doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense. He stumbles upon Brokentooth Mountain (that would be a great name for a dentist surgery, wouldn’t it?) by chance and finds a monster inside; which is fine, but he then assumes they have the powers that he needed to defeat the armies. While it admittedly gets better as it goes, the beginning can actually feel quite boring at times; just plodding along in this fantasy Eastern Europe setting with wandering glances into exposition until the inevitable powers come along. When they do come, you’re glad; they make things far far more exciting, and I must admit that actually some of the battle sequences in which Vlad is using the powers against the (for some reason blindfolded) enemy soldiers are actually quite spectacular and exciting, with some Predator-style POV shots and impressive use of the classic using-millions-of-bats-as-a-giant-fist technique, which just isn’t used enough these days is it?
Apart from that, though, there isn’t really too much going on for this movie. The performances certainly don’t set your world on fire, though you can tell that Luke Evans as Vlad (who does a British accent for some reason when surrounded by his Transylvanian-accented people) is doing the best with what he’s given – though he never shows any signs of being as truly evil as the legendary Dracula, though in an effort to make the protagonist as likeable as possible you can see why they didn’t. Samantha Barks, playing Vlad’s wife, is almost screaming for more interesting things to do in this movie. Charles Dance is also an amazing actor who is completely wasted in this role, appearing in two or three scenes as a plot catalyst/exposition machine and yet pretty much stealing the show. Dominic Cooper’s performance suffers massively from him a) looking like that minor British celebrity Rylan Clarke after wandering onto the set of Clash of the Titans and b) having an accent that sounds like a Borat and Cheeky Girls mashup. I suspect there was a lot more of him left on the cutting room floor, as his villain is incredibly boring despite that description.
So there we are; Dracula Untold has some good things in it, such as some fangtastic (sorry) action sequences, and certainly isn’t terrible, but it could certainly be improved by better characterisation of pretty much everybody and a better narrative. If they want to kickstart this into a shared universe franchise they need to do a lot more with ol’ Vlad and the other characters to warrant them more interesting in their other incarnations.
Now then, time for some Life After Beth.
After Beth, Life suddenly has a plot, and that plot is this; Zach (Dane DeHaan) is utterly heartbroken after the loss of his girlfriend Beth (Aubrey Plaza), who died due to a snakebite while hiking alone. They had been arguing before she died and he feels awful about never reconciling with her, and deals with this guilt by occasionally seeing her parents Maury (John C. Reilly) and Geenie (Molly Shannon). One day he comes by the house and sees the impossible through the window; Beth is there, roaming the halls. They are reunited but it does not take him long to figure out that something is seriously up here, and eventually realises the truth; Beth is a resurrected zombie.
Once again, before I get to my review, I must warn you of something that happened during my screening that may have taken me away from the film slightly (because, apparently, I can never ever have a normal cinema trip ever again). I once against started to notice something weird going on in my screening; the fire exit door near the screen kept opening mysteriously and a figure watched the audience, not the screen, a few minutes at a time. This was repeated a few times until eventually the figure walked out, looked around a bit at the audience, then walked out into the foyer. It doesn’t sound like much but, for some reason, it freaked me the F out, so it’s possible I missed a couple of bits of the movie while trying to figure out just what made this guy tick.
Anyway, back to the OTHER side of the screen. Adding another title to the growing romzomcom subgenre (of which Shaun of the Dead remains the best, JUST SAYIN), Life After Beth has a very dry and deadpan tone, married with the cinematic style of a quirky indie movie. This, combined with the admittedly quite outlandish, bizarre and dark subject matter, means that Life After Beth will absolutely definitely not be everyone’s cup of hot beverage. It’s not quite as laugh-out-loud (or LOL as the kids say) as you think it might be, with the humour coming from the dark and often surreal tone.
The film makes an effort too to make its zombies and its situation unique. They don’t just rise and THEN want to eat you; they rise and firstly find their way back into their old lives; they run, talk, become incredibly horny and argue; they even find soft jazz calming and addictive. After this, of course, they have a hunger to eat real life human people and near invincible, but I liked the fact that they added a new spin to their zombies on this instead of sticking to the usual blueprint. It also doesn’t focus on the general zombie uprising and how society is coping with it; that is going on in the background, only giving us slithers of details about the extremity of how the local neighbourhood is dealing with it. I admire its cojones in this respect for both having this amount of detail in its gradual descent to hell on earth in the first place, and restricting it to the background and allowing the characters to be the forefront of the film.
The performances too are all pretty good; John C Reilly and Molly Shannon add real desperate character to their roles which in other hands could be in danger of being quite boring (Zach’s parents, on the other hand, do suffer from this affliction). Anna Kendrick too, though in it very briefly, always lifts the screen when she appears on it (not literally, that would be a bizarre trick). Dane DeHaan is fantastic as per usual in his role as the most sane person in this weird world, being both rational and desperate to believe that his girlfriend has been resurrected with no problems whatsoever; however it’s the first scenes in which he is visibly stricken with guilt where his acting chops truly get to shine (do chops shine? If not, he makes them shine because he’s so damn good an actor). Really, the titular Beth is the one in the spotlight here, and Aubrey Plaza plays the role perfectly; admittedly it seems the role is written directly for her deadpan persona, but she does it so very well you forgive her for a bit of typecasting. She is also insanely creepy as her mortal state devolves, whispering almost demonically, growling and scratching while retaining her charm.
In all, Life After Beth is very dry, deadpan and dark (alliteration is for cool kids) and so will not be to everybody’s tastes. However, if you enjoy dark and fairly surreal humour and fancy yet another different take on the rom-zom-com subgenre, Life After Beth is for you.
Richards Reckons 