A Million Ways To Die In The West – Richards Reckons Review

WARNING: This review contains the word “juxtaposes”.

The first thing to say about this film is this – it REALLY made me want a moustache.

Really really.

There’s a whole song about how classy and wonderful they are, plus Neil Patrick Harris has one and celebrates it like a medal of valour. I mean, LOOK AT IT;

Damn suave mother-effer, that one.

Anywho, A Million Ways To Die In The West is the latest film offering by Seth MacFarlane, otherwise known as ‘Mr Family Guy’ or ‘Captain Ted’ (because he made those things). This really is a pet project for him; it’s directed by, produced by, written by and starring Mr MacFarlane (writing and starring in a film in which you get intimate with Charlize Theron, you cheeky devil…), meaning it couldn’t have more of his personal stamp on it unless it literally had his name branded into every frame like a cow’s bottom. Which would have been quite pertinent, actually…

The plot is as follows; Seth plays Albert Stark (no relation to either Tony or Sansa), a sheep farmer who has a rather modern awareness of how dreadful the American west is and is therefore a bit of a coward; so much so that he loses his Amanda Seyfried flavoured girlfriend for not wanting to be part of a duel. Charlize Theron’s Anna rides into town and, after he saves her from a bar fight, agrees to help him win her back. The plot from there is pretty by numbers and, with the removal of the Western setting, anybody who has ever seen a rom-com with this plot can guess what happens next.

One of the first things that strikes you about A Million Ways To Die In The West is how unexpectedly good looking it is (much like when people first meet me too). The colouring of the vast desertscapes along with the sunsets and dusty rocky canyons look beautiful. You can easily make a checklist of everything in the Western genre and tick each one off as you watch the film (although don’t do that because you won’t be able to see what you’re doing and will have to put on a light to see and then everybody in the cinema will hate you and maybe spit at you), but that’s not to say that it doesn’t look staggering. I take my cowboy hat off (literally – I’m wearing one as I type this) to Seth and the rest of the photography team for directing such beautiful Western vistas.

What one might expect from a film set in the West is an extended Family Guy/American Dad episode; zany, fast-paced, stuffed and overflowing with gags (both hit and miss), with a tendency of mocking everything left, right and centre in both a satirical way and a plain crude way. That description, by the way, is not a slight on Family Guy and American Dad – I really like both – but it’s what you’d think you’d get from this film. With the exception of one absolutely bizarre and surreal sequence (you’ll know exactly which part I mean when you see it), on the whole, that isn’t exactly what you get. Like Ted was, in areas A Million Ways (I’m shortening it to that because I frankly can’t be bothered to type out the whole title over and over, though I used even more energy typing out this explanation, damnit!) is surprisingly sentimental and sweet. The scenes between Anna and Albert (and there are a LOT of them) can actually quite lovely, however some may find it a bit too sweet and overkill-ish due to just how many there are, like a minigun firing sugar and marshmallows.

A Million Ways’ humour works best when it juxtaposes the genre and setting of the Wild, Wild West (not the Will Smith film) with modern day attitudes and standards of society – for example, one of the funniest throwaway lines are Stark and Giovanni Ribsi’s character commenting on a child playing with a stick and ball with arguments that echo modern day arguments about videogames almost verbatim. It does well to ridicule the ridiculousness of it all from a modern lens and how death is almost around every corner, whether accidentally or through duels. And, for me anyway, it passes the 6 laugh test. The characters that populate this world, too, are funny but mostly one note, such as Sarah Silverman’s prostitute who has Christian values when it comes to premarital sex; a funny joke, certainly, but that’s all her character is. Liam Neeson, too, is simply an utter utter bastard (needlessly killing an old man, hitting his wife and threatening to kill a dog – the trilogy in the bastardry in cinema) and nothing more. Seyfried is given even less to work with, apart from acting bitchy and defending her eyes. Seth himself though, acting for the first time in front of the camera rather than in mo-cap or in a recording booth, is a good onscreen presence – he’s likeable and, on the whole, not as cartoonish as you expect.

The overriding problem with A Million Ways is far, far too much toilet humour. Don’t get me wrong, in small doses it can be funny, but there’s a cacophony of Fart and the Gang jokes in here that just feels lazy and feels like Seth and the writing team could do a lot better, with one scene of this kind that goes on for far, far too long. It’s no surprise that the makes of Family Guy etc bring you this kind of thing, but it just feels like it brings the rest of the film down and feels unnecessary. If you can get through all of these jokes and the bum notes (no pun intended… kind of), there’s an enjoyable film to be found here, especially for people who know and love the Western genre. 

Oh, and there are a cameos too, both of famous faces (blink and you’ll miss Ewan McGregor) and, most hilariously, a couple of fictional characters (if you have the internet you’ll know about one of them, but the other one I’ll leave as a surprise…).